Glory, glory hole-a-lujah

I forgot to share a story that happened during that week when I shared nothing but mother stories. The end of the previous entry reminded me and I thought this deserved its own entry.

Hawk & I & Baby Z went to the local small town steakhouse to eat not-steak*. It’s called Hoss’s, a small PA chain that actually originated in East Bumblefuck. It’s the kind of place where you order on the way in (no tray) and pay on the way out and they’re known for their awesome salad bar (and you know I don’t throw around “awesome” very much). There are also dinner mints involved.

So anyway, we’re sitting in this nice family steakhouse having a nice family meal when the guy behind me starts talking very loudly. He’s in his late 50s, I’d say, and out with someone I presume to be his wife. The topic? Glory holes.

I nearly spit out my dinner when I hear “glory holes” announced in this family dining mecca. I think, “Does he know of what he speaks?” Sure enough. He went on to tell a story that went a little something like this:

So Joe he says to me he doesn’t know what a glory hole is and I say I’ll tell ya what a glory hole is. It’s a hole in the wall you stick your dick through and Joe says he says, Why? And I say you stick your dick in the hole and someone on the other side does something to it. So he says he say, Like what? And I say someone’ll suck on it or put it in their… *pause as if there’s a gesture or maybe he lowered his voice*. And he says he says, Where do you find them? And I said, Anywhere! And I said they’re mostly for gay guys so he shouldn’t be surprised if the person on the other side is a man and he didn’t seem so interested then.

By this point, I’m like choking on my food. My brain was of two thoughts: (1) Turn around and say, “Do you mind? I really don’t want to hear about glory holes while I’m eating” and (2) Don’t shut him up. This is going in the blog. Hawk even said, “Are you blogging this?”

This adventure raised many questions. Why is this blue collar, straight (presumably on both counts) older man telling his wife about glory holes, loudly, over a nice dinner in a quiet family restaurant? Where does he get his information? Is he personally familiar with the concept of glory holes? What happened previously in the conversation to bring them around to glory holes as a topic? Was he having frozen yogurt for dessert and if so was he adding any toppings?

* at another steakhouse (G’Day!) last night for my Mothers Day meal (which I was not expecting), Hawk & I came to realize that we go to steakhouses fairly often and never have steak. We went to one on Thursday (Yee-haw!), our usual eat-out day, and both had chicken. Last night he & Z had chicken and I had mahi mahi. We’re a very weird pair.

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