“AI” rundown

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So when you’re writing on the laptop while watching two fairly well-behaved children, you can imitate Weetapidol (only w/o the booze):

Rudy the “Free Ride” guy. What an obnoxious little asshole. Well that sucked. No enunciation, no power. Ack @ that shirt. I left the room gladly.

That Dominos commercial freaks me out.

Will Ferrell singing “My Humps” = funny.

Oh dear god am I going to have to hear this fucking Chevy ad until the 28th? They played it back-to-fucking-back. Wait, the second ad says it ends today. Thank god.

Someone put “The OC” out of its misery already.

Ooh that Brandon is cute. And Ryan’s being a little homophobic. How ironic. Ooh now Brandon’s going to sing. I hope he can sing. Ooh. I’m tingly. What the hell is this song? I don’t care. Oh you’re shitting me. It’s “Rock With You?” LOL. Ooh bad note baby.Damn he’s stylin’ though. He won’t make it through w/ these bum notes and his shoe’s untied. But my he’s delicious.

Okay what’s with this dude’s facial hair… wait. His name is Sundance? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m dying. Nice eyes & body type though. Just shave him and change his name and… “Knights In White Satin?” Never mind. What a crap song. I’ve had more than enough boys sing this shitty song in my direction. Next! Oh it’s bad. It’s bad. It’s 1989 all over again. Someone hit the mute button!

Paul. Oh look. He’s quirky. He doesn’t wear shoes. Whatever. “Careless Whisper” FOCL. The tune is barely recognizable. Didn’t anyone decent audition this year? And he doesn’t even know the fucking words. Now it’s 1985 all over again. This song was ubiquitous, kids. You have no idea. Everyone over 30 can sing this… LOLOL what a fucking note. Good sweet christ. Put your shoes on kid. You’ll need them to go home. Paula is so unfunny. And her blouse is hideous. If I didn’t have laryngitis, I’d sing this song right now to prove my point. “I’m just trying to represent and I just got a pedicure.” Oh Ryan honey.

Chris. Yeah he does sound like Justin. Doesn’t look much like him though. I can’t see that. What a cute smile he has. WTF song is this? Probably some Justin song. I’m so old; I have no idea. Little less nasal, dear. And quit the Mike Love gesturing. Otherwise, he’s okay. And audience: shut up. This guy’s dad is cracking me up.

Nick. He looks like Richard Jeni (a big favorite at Chez Piggyhawk, that Richard Jeni). Ooh he’s a little humble, a little geniune. That’s nice. Hey, he’s not bad. I know this song. “Now And Forever?” Is that what it’s called? Hey, he hit his note. He could sing “Knights In White Satin” to me and I wouldn’t bitch too much. That was a bit of all right. Randy is a moron. Maybe b/c I’m just listening and not looking I have a different perspective. Paula is also an idiot. Yay Simon! Simon rules! Oh listen to Paula backtrack. Bitch.

Did Ryan just steal a line off Larry Sanders?

Blake. Um. Yeah. Nice hair dude. Are you kidding me with this beatbox shit? Ooh! Keane! He’s my new favorite AI dude just for picking this fucking amazing song. I LOVE this song!! SQUEE! He looks like what’s his name from “Project Runway.” That gay kid from Oklahoma. Kayne? Was that his name? “Somewhere only we know…” I love Keane. Oh yeah. This guy wasn’t bad. But song choice = 10! Whoo! I’m such a geek. Oh yeah Randy. He’s gonna beatbox KEANE. Idiot.

Sanjaya. His eyebrows. Good lord. Honey, they’re bare in too far and too thick overall. If you’re gonna manscape, do it properly. How nasally. Pretty hair though. This is bo-oring. Amen Simon. You read my mind. Is he going to cry? Ooh, I like that necklace he’s wearing. Simon read my mind again about the hair.

Chris blew my mind at his audition. Big funny hairy gamer-looking guy who can sing?
I hope he stays good b/c I dig him. Ooh tingly. I like this song. What is it? He’s like a curly, fleshy Daughtry. Me likee. I like his glasses too. You just know he’s DMing back in the hotel room. Ooh look at his shoes! I like his confidence. He’s appealing. Randy is so fucking dumb. Homophobic again Ryan? Jeez. What did he say? Something about Teletubbies? Don’t bring Tinky Winky into this, man. Simon’s right about Ryan making it uncomfortable. Ryan’s being kind of a dick tonight.

Jared looks familiar. He’s from Florida too. Maybe he is familiar. I’ve never known a black Jared though. He’s cute. He’s so tall too. Nice jeans. Stop pointing at me Jared. Oh I hate this song. Yuck. He’s okay. Simon’s right about the nasal though. The more I see him though, the better looking he gets.

AJ. His audition was cool. He’s okay. Sounds like something from late 1980s radio. His enunciation could be better. I think the song is too fast for him. His outfit is terrible.

I like that Target commercial (the -ous one).
Phil. My girls? Snarky. Oh THIS asshole! I heard about him. Missing the birth of his baby to audition for AI. Nice priorities asshole. Bald is not a good look for him. He looks like Count Orlock. Oh good; he sucks. I can actively root against him. Well he has a little bit of passion, which is more than these other guys have had tonight. Hrm. He got much better as he went. He was okay by the end. Paula will love him. Randy is right: it started bad & ended well. Yeah, Paula, at the chorus. I thought that was my imagination. “Monstrous” to “okay” yes, Simon, that’s it. How can a guy with black hair and blue eyes shave his damn head? Dude, do you know what that combination can do? It doesn’t matter if it’s thin up front. It’s hair and you need some.

“Why are you (Simon) being so negative?” B/c they sucked, that’s why. Simon is right, as usual. Simon, call Ryan an asshole and move on.

Nick, Blake, Chris S, Jared and the second half of Phil’s were good. Otherwise, kick ‘em to the curb.

Ryan thanks Paula & Randy and the band and the audience? Damn. He is being a dick.

These girls look psycho. Geezus. That should be interesting.

I miss “House.”

ETA: The TWoP recaplet is up and pretty much concurs

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