April 17, 2008...11:41 am

I think he gave this speech to the Bucs in ‘93

Jump to Comments
Do I Have To Get Naked And Yell Some Sense Into You?

The Onion

Jim Leyland To Tigers: ‘Do I Have To Get Naked And Yell Some Sense Into You?’

DETROIT—Following the Tigers’ 11-0 loss at home against the White Sox Sunday, frustrated manager Jim Leyland attempted to get through to his struggling ballclub by screaming in their faces, gesticulating wildly while pacing up and down the locker room floor, and removing every article of his clothing save for his socks. “We gave up two fucking grand slams in one game!” said Leyland, pointing at his bullpen with one hand and brandishing his recently removed pants in the other. “Do I need to run out to the mound with my dick swinging in the wind between every pitch so you goddamn well don’t do that?” Leyland then stormed out of the locker room, held a markedly stilted post-game press conference, walked out of the clubhouse, and drove home.

You know what that reminds me of?

Rachel Phelps: You wanted to talk to the bitch?
Lou Brown: Yes!
Rachel Phelps: Don’t you think you oughta cover yourself up with a towel first, Mr. Brown?
Lou Brown: We’re out of towels, and I’m too old to go diving into lockers.
Rachel Phelps: I can take it if you can.

And you know what that reminds me of?

Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Roger Dorn: Shit, Harris.
Pedro Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
Eddie Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?

Jobu

3 Comments

  • It is truly amazing how you can make me laugh so hard I cry, Eden. Thanks for the Major League references. I LOVE that movie.

  • Lordy, I love that movie! Charlie Sheen’s haircut alone is hysterical. “Wild Thing! You make my heart sing!”

  • In a quick search, I found where I’ve quoted the “he no help with curveball” speech five times in my blogs, which seems really low.

Leave a Reply