Not for the squeamish

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We went out to buy two new spigots on Thursday night. I didn’t feel so great but it needed to be done. I felt like I had a fist pushing in midway between my belly button and breast bone. And it sat there and sat there. We went to Chili’s and I had one of the lightest offerings and no booze (but three Sprites). I had a feeling that I was getting what Holden had gone through last weekend.

On our way home, we considered stopping at the custard stand but the flavors of the day were peach and butter pecan. I wasn’t tempted enough. Plus I still felt horrid and was getting horrider. Overnight Friday, I moved from horrid to shitty (take that as you will). My guts churned all night and then suddenly stopped. By Friday morning, Hawk wanted to know if I needed him to call off sick. By the time he was ready to leave, I’d been able to assess my situation. I’d be fine if the kids sat and played quietly and didn’t require anything all day and wouldn’t tear the house apart while I slept and slept. So he worked until 10 and came home. We also called off our sitter, since we didn’t want her to pick this up.

I spent much of the day in bed, watching A Man For All Seasons (one of our Netflix selections; the other — Capote — I finally finished the night before) and “The Office” (UK), since it was in the bedroom. I didn’t want to watch Walk The Line while sick. I did however get a lot of reading done: Happy Birthday or Whatever by Annie Choi — it’s kinda sorta awesome. I was almost looking forward to trips to the bathroom so I could read more. I don’t know what that says about the book actually but I can say that it made me feel better and less sick. I just hope that I don’t associate it with this illness b/c I’ll want to read it again. I also watched marathons of “America’s Next Top Model” so I’ll try to associate raging diarrhea with that instead.

So anyway…

In the evening, Zoe fell asleep on the sofa and so Hawk took Holden to the grocery store to buy Gatorade, bread and other stuff. He also swung around McDonald’s to get dinner for them. I requested a cheeseburger and a vanilla milkshake. I hadn’t had anything but crackers, a frozen fruit pop and VitaminWater all day. My theory was this: McDonald’s cheeseburgers, I can chomp up into pretty tiny pieces, in case I’m sick. Charming way to chose one’s dinner, I know. Once I was babysitting my nephew and he was sick and I picked it up. I barfed almost-whole Wendy’s french fries the next day. Unpleasant. I’d also like to add at this point that if you think you’re coming down with something digestive-related, perhaps Chili’s isn’t such a wise idea either.

By this point I was missing the “purse party” I’d planned to go to — adult human interaction — but seeing as opening my mouth to talk made me feel nauseous, I didn’t let anyone know I wasn’t coming (then again, I hadn’t said I was coming either). So I watched “Seinfeld” and ate my cheeseburger and drank my milkshake slowly over the course of about an hour (”The Daily Show” was on by the time I finished). BTW: I don’t watch a lot of TV so I had no idea how much “Everybody Loves Raymond” is on. It was on three or four channels at 7:30 last night. WTF? It’s entertaining enough but it’s not that great. I miss the back-to-back “Seinfelds.”

So Hawk got the kids into bed (Holden before BSG, Zoe after) and then he slept on the sofa. Meanwhile I woke up with chills so bad, I shook the bed. I had a sheet, a thermal blanket and a quilt over me and I knew I had to get up to go but the idea of going out where it was colder kept me in bed. Eventually I had to suck it up and just be cold. When I stood up, I thought I’d faint. I managed to get back to the bathroom and while I was washing my hands, I thought, “Get a robe and then you’re going to have to sit on the edge of the tub and wait to see if that milkshake tastes good in reverse.” Answer: no.

So I woke up every hour and my reward for waking was one mouthful of plain old water. So far, it’s stayed down. Whoo! I went wild and sipped Gatorade twice. I’d also like to say as a Florida State alumna that I’m fundamentally opposed to Gatorade and far prefer Powerade just on principle.

Holden is completely recovered and back to his big, bad self. He & Zoe are coloring and watching Noggin. It’s difficult to spend a day in bed and not be with them but they came in to check on me a lot. Zoe sang me lullabies “to help you sleep, Mommy.” Right now, Hawk’s putting away laundry and I’m on kid duty whilst I write. I do think that I’m going back to bed and watching Eddie Izzard DVDs though. Horizontalness + drag is a boon.

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