Happy hooker

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So I mentioned that I got two dresses at Eddie Bauer in a size XL instead of XXL. The dresses are here. It’s the “Sleeveless Smocked Waist Printed Dress” in the brown/aqua floral and I got one in green & cream as well. It’s available in petites, misses and plus (up to 26W) and I’m thinking they’re running large. Anyway, if you look at the plus size model, that’s how mine fits as well. It’s a really lovely dress. I’ll be wearing it a lot.

That said, I want a little something for over it. I have a white cotton cardigan but it has long sleeves and that’ll be too hot in summer. I liked the jacket they had in-store but when I went back on Tuesday, they were all gone. They said they’d order me one but it would be like $70. I saw a cute crocheted top at Macy’s in the ladies department and thought, “Well that probably won’t come in my size.” Then lo & behold they had the EXACT same top in the plus department. The price? $98. For a crocheted t-shirt w/ a tank top lining.

Then I thought, “I have the yarn. I have the hooks. Why don’t I just crochet a little shrug or a wrap?”

So I got out my Happy Hooker book, my Learn To Crochet (Klutz) book and I measured my bust and found a pattern to fit. It’s called “Short And Sweet.” Part of my problem with knitting is I get bored. I like the pattern to change some to keep me interested (however, a simple project that I can just knit on without checking a pattern is about as relaxing an activity as I can undertake). I had no idea that crochet would change up so much and get me so hooked, pardon the pun. I’m on “row 4″ and nothing has been the same row to row or even stitch to stitch. It’s a little tough if the kids are pestery but if I’m just in supervisory mode and they’re content, I can really get something done.

So if I’m afk for a a while, let it be known that I’m hookin’, baby. Here’s a finished version in the color I’m making (as done by the woman in the photo, who posted this pic at Ravelry).

Since you came for the “hooker” post title, I’ll tell you two jokes:

A Baptist Minister and a Unitarian Minister were flying to a multifaith convention together. The Unitarian was very nervous and confided to the Baptist that this was the first time he had ever flown and was very scared. The Baptist said, “There’s nothing to it. Just sit next to me and I’ll help you.”

The Baptist showed him how to put on his seat belt and adjust the air vents. Once in the air, the very pretty flight attendant came by with a tray of drinks.

“Cocktails?” she asked.

The Unitarian lifted one off the tray and said, “Thanks.”

The Baptist had just delivered a fiery sermon on the evils of alcohol that morning. He looked at the flight attendant and said, “Young lady, I would rather commit fornication than touch alcohol to my lips.”

Shocked, the Unitarian placed his drink back on the tray and said, “Ooh, I didn’t know we had that choice.”

And then…

A young boy wandered away from his grandfather at the mall. He approached a security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

The security guard asked, “What’s he like?”

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.”

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Filed under Creatrix, Ooh! Shiny!

Tags: crochet, fashion, jokes