My redneck brother in law (Scooter) bought himself a pontoon boat. Truthfully, he and K-Dawg bought it together and he says he’s going to pay K-Dawg back. Yeah if he’d ever paid Hawk back a penny of what he’s borrowed from him, we could buy a pontoon boat too.
So why did he buy a pontoon boat? Same reason he has a stable of snowmobiles, quads and a motorcycle: he wanted one. Meanwhile his kids wear clothes that are in rags and need braces and don’t have decent beds to sleep in. Hawk talked to him last night while I took the kids to (gasp) Wal-Mart for McDonald’s and to buy the wrong printer ink cartridge for the second time in a week. Hawk wasn’t surprised and Scooter asked him why. Hawk said, “Because you’ve talked about buying one since you were seven years old.”
The pontoon boat will be used at Prince Gallitzin State Park. I don’t know if Scooter realizes it’s not free parking and that there is such a thing as boat maintenance. We’ll be there for Thing 2’s birthday party next month. They’re actually not having it right on top of Zoe’s birthday party for the first time. Last year, Char made a cake with I don’t know what to dye the frosting green but everyone was pooping green for a couple of days. That was interesting.
Anyway, I assume we’ll all be going out on the pontoon boat unless Char loses her shit about him buying another toy (with limited, seasonal use). I don’t know if he knows you’re supposed to name boats but he’d better name it after her or there’ll be hell to pay. I told Hawk he can name our non-existent boat “Sea Witch” and that’ll be fine.
I’m not quite sure Hawk’s feeling about the boat except that he knows that Scooter is an idiot. That Scooter can’t (or just doesn’t) pay his bills and now he’s blow his stimulus check on half a boat. K-Dawg got money from the accident he was in. I can think of other things I’d do with my money rather than invest it in a venture with Scooter.
Oh and if anyone can use two #5 Canon black ink cartridges, let me know. They’re opened but unused.
7 Comments
June 20, 2008 at 12:30 pm
How did Hawk end up so smart? Jesus H.
June 20, 2008 at 1:46 pm
The speculation is that as first-born, he got all of those genes and the leftover nonsense went to Scooter & K-Dawg. Where they (the smart genes) came from, we’re not sure
Hawk also has a work ethic that no one else in the family has, which is part of the equation as well.
June 20, 2008 at 5:28 pm
LOL to your comment, Eden, as well as the post.
See, pontoon boats are redneck versions of boats. Do you know how many coolers of beer with fit on one of those? And you can float around all day and fish, and even watch tv.
Pontoons are not boats, they are floating docks.
June 20, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Beautifully put! I’m going to use that IRL.
June 21, 2008 at 12:00 am
Oh, poor Hawk.
The question is: who is going to get paid back first…Hawk or K-Dawg?
July 10, 2008 at 11:42 am
[...] that coincides with Thing 2’s birthday party. I really don’t feel like going to see Scooter’s floating redneck party deck, eating really, really bad food and being ignored in conversation. I would far rather have beers [...]
July 20, 2008 at 11:27 pm
[...] the burgers were ready, Zoe had changed her mind. Then Scooter decides he wants to “get the boat ready.” Apparently we were all supposed to ride his floating redneck party dock (shout-out, [...]